July 7, 2018 marks a year of home ownership which has been a whirlwind and full of lessons and great experiences! I wanted to take this time to dedicate my next few posts things that I’ve learned and experiences I’ve had while going through the process.
Building a Home
Building a home was a great experience where you are able to choose your lot, your finishes, and experience the process from the ground up but it also includes a very steep learning curve because not many people are versed in this process. Financing, deposits, insurance, taxes, and so much more have made this an exhilarating learning process. Here is a quick snapshot of the different options you have when buying a home.
- Buying an existing home
- Make sure that you take the time to have a home inspection done on the home because you want to protect yourself as much as possible from any defects that have not been disclosed. (Note– still doesn’t protect you from things behind the wall)
- Building a home in an established community (My option)
- Take the time to see what the incentives are, the builder warranty, and selecting your floorplan and lot. (important to understand lot premiums that you will pay on desired lots and the upfront money you will need to provide in order to start the process and secure your lot (it applies to your closing costs in the end))
- Building a home on a lot you have purchased
- You will need to first purchase a lot that is for sale, contact a builder, work with that builder and architect to create a customer floorplan for the home, select finishes, manage the building process since it is not regulated by a community. (it is important that you find an insured builder and that you only pay deposits to start the work and not a major amount up front to prevent any fraud or loss of your money if the builder disappears.)
In my next few posts in this series, I will discuss the process of adding value to your home, tax exemptions, and the fun part for most people….decor.
As always, Be Fearlessly Authentic!
With the changes in weather my skin literally went through some real things. In an effort to combat these changes I developed a very specific skincare regimen that is conducive to an Esquires lifestyle and wanted to share with you all. I have oily, acne and hyper pigmentation prone skin but the products and regimen has been successfully helping combat those things.
- Once a month- Chemical Peel or Facial
- 2x a week- Sheet Mask (Garnier SkinActive- The Super Purifying Charcoal Sheet Mask and The Super Hydrating Mask Mattifying)
- 2x a week- Exfoliator (Bio Peel- Green Tea and Wine)
- Wash Face (Biore Deep Pore Charcoal Cleanser and Boscia Clear Complexion Cleanser)
- Toner (Rubbing Alcohol 70% or Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar)
- Klairs Supple Preparation Facial Toner
- Lancome Energie De Vie Lotion
- Sunday Riley Acne Treatment Face Oil
- Dark Spot corrector (Black Opal Even True- Tri-complex tone correct)
- SPF (Sunprise Mile Airy Finish SPF 50+)
- Moisuturizer (Neutrogena Hydro Boost Water Gel)
- Wash face (Biore Deep Pore Charcoal Cleanser and Boscia Clear Complexion Cleanser)
- Toner (Rubbing Alcohol 70% or Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar))
- Klairs Supple Preparation Facial Toner
- Lancome Energie De Vie Lotion
- The Ordinary Lactic Acid 10% HA 2%
- Sunday Riley Luna Sleeping Night oil
- Tea Tree Oil Spot treatment (optional)
I have come a long way with my skin care, specifically with my face. I am following the Korean skin care system in a way and trying to remain consistent to really test out what works. My main concerns are eliminating acne and removing dark spots. My body care just consists of Black Soap (Dudu Osun), Jergens lotion, and Arm and Hammer Essentials Deodorant.
Be Fearlessly Authentic
I know it has been a long time since i’ve posted and there has been so many GREAT things that have happened that I would like to share with you all. Before I start sharing I wanted to take the time to publicly state what my plan is for Esquire in the City to hold myself accountable.
First, I will commit to posting once a week and will continue to post motivational and lifestyle posts that encompass the life of an Esquire in the City.
I would like to thank everyone who’ve supported me so far and I look forward to sharing some great content with you in the near future.
~Be Fearlessly Authentic~
Something that has been bothering me recently has been what I call the “Professional Retreat” which is when people in professional careers quit without the proper notice or any care for the concept of burning bridges. It baffles me that people find it so easy to just not show up for a job without actually “quitting” but using that as a passive aggressive way of obtaining the same result.
I remember when I first started working I was told that it is important to always give two weeks notice if you know that you would like to leave a job and if you are unable to give two weeks to at least give written notice and try to make sure you allocate your responsibilities and documents to another person in preparation for your “retreat”. In the past month I have heard multiple stories and have seen people leave jobs without saying a word and refusing to answer the phone when management tries to inquire about what is going on.
The worst story that I’ve heard is from my mother who works in the medical field as Nurse taking care of the elderly. Not sure if you all know but being a nurse is a 24/7 type of position because they are unable to take off on all standard business holidays and there has to be a person present in order to relieve the current nurse. Well one night after my mothers 12 hour shift the person who was supposed to release her did not show up, he didn’t call, didn’t answer any of the calls from her and other managers. Sadly, this is not the first time that my mother has had to deal with this in nursing positions because there are so many opportunities that retention is a major issue. What baffled me is that they are responsible for elderly people’s healthcare and wellbeing and still didn’t take into consideration that they should at least provide management with notice.
I personally think this is a generational issue because we have lost the human aspect of our society. People hide behind computers, text messages, emails and other forms of communication in order to get away from the face to face or phone communication of the past. People are now afraid to express anything negative so they rather take the passive aggressive route and say nothing at all. I have seen this phenomenon in personal relationships, careers, and overall human behavior. **Please note I am not bashing because I have had my share of addressing certain situations in this manner.**
I feel that we need to get back to the foundation of building and nurturing relationships because we have all heard “Don’t burn bridges” but do we really understand what this means. Even if the situation ends in a way we were not expecting at least try to be cordial because you never know when you might need or see that person again or in terms of the analogy, when you might need to cross that bridge again.
How do you all feel about this concept and what are some stories that you’ve encountered in your career or personal life?
~Be Fearlessly Authentic~
“Situational learning” is the process of reflecting on negative situations and discovering the learning opportunity instead of focusing on the negative aspects.
Imagine how much more bearable life would be if you were able to easily attach to the positive aspects of every situation in life. I mean you would be at peace with all outcomes, released from stress, and open to living fearlessly. That type of Freedom is what I strive for and situational learning has been a catalyst for me achieving the level of Freedom.
Some background on myself is that I have a tendency of reflecting on situations in my life through the “what did I miss?“, “what did I do to cause this negative thing to happen”,or even blaming the other party. I noticed that because of my thought process I started to dwell on things from years ago instead of receiving the lesson and moving on with that newly acquired knowledge.Living in past is even more detrimental than buying into negative situations. While living in the past you will likely miss all of the great opportunities currently presented to you and it will eventually develop into a state of depression because there is literally nothing you can do to change the past. You only have control over the NOW.
This concept has been taught through religion by the concept of faith where you are trusting in a higher power and understanding that there are no mistakes. It has also been taught through Law of Attraction where your mindset controls the outcome of different situations in life so if you approach each situation in a positive light then more positivity will enter your space. Literally you attract your thoughts! I could go on and on with the different quotes, movies, and songs that speak to this concept but overall it is just “Mind over Matter”.
I will end this post just encouraging you to really reflect on your thought about each area of your life and trying to identify the negative spaces and actively pursue a state of positivity. Remember it all begins with your thought!
“If somebody says something negative to you, do not react. You have to get yourself to a point where you can stay calm and peaceful inside no matter what negative things happen on the outside. When you can maintain peace and joy within you despite any situation on the outside, you have become the master of everything.”
~The Secret Daily Teachings
-Be Fearlessly Authentic-
So, I think I will start writing book reviews on my blog because that is something that I spend a lot of time doing (self proclaimed Kindle Addict) and really one of my life long passions. I have so many fav authors and series that it is only right that I document my thoughts and feelings about these books as I tend to do in person with my friends and family. With that being said, here is my first review which is a bit premature because it is just that GOOD!
Today I started reading a book called ‘Self-Love Sunday A Collection of Reminders’ and let me tell you. This book has hit me to the core and I’m only 24% through the book (shoutout to Kindle Unlimited for the exact percentage). First she discusses aspects of relationships from past failures to continued cycles while questioning what she is doing wrong and opening herself up to receive answers from God. It is crazy to me because I’ve literally asked the same questions and have experienced my fair share of relational failures.
The action that she has taken, a vow of celibacy, is something I have tried and failed in my humanly way. It is basically my way of rebelling against the answer that God has provided me for my questions and desires. Having an opportunity to see someone else has dealt with similar issues and have received the same answer has really opened my eyes. I am now encouraged to live by these words “Don’t settle for intimacy before commitment” and going back to the original “Reba” before the hurt, disappointment, and fear but with the knowledge from those lessons I’ve learned. I will no longer be afraid of rejection or missing out on that person when it just results in me settling for much less than I deserve. I will strive to build friendships first then relational commitment and finally intimacy. I really do feel encouraged by B. Love sharing her experiences and allowing me to see some of myself in her.
Now that I have moved on past how I will approach potential relationships here is what I will do in the mean time. I will continue to work hard, build my career, save money, follow my dreams, continue to write, clear my skin, grow my hair, workout and just a better ‘me’ spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This is literally what I got from the first 9 chapters on this book. Whew! Can’t wait to finish it.
Check out B. Love on Amazon Kindle!
– Be Fearlessly Authentic
So as I’ve been working on my goals and trying to push forward in my God given purpose I’ve been hearing a lot about my choices and how they will effect my ability “to get” a husband. The craziest thing is that I hear this more from females than I do from men. This really made me think about what society is telling our girls and women.
So this all started with me working towards purchasing a home. Somehow this will ruin my chances of “getting” a husband because “What will your husband be able to do for you?”. This is where I guess my mindset is much different…imagine a female having he “stuff” together and meeting a man who also has his “stuff” together (Note: Have the characteristics that you expect to see in a spouse) then that allows both parties to merge their respective “stuff” and build an empire together. I have always been taught that you should have your own passion, goals, and accomplishments and in the process of achieving those goals your soulmate will find you.
I guess I just wanted to reassure women who are constantly hearing that they need a man to achieve some major life goals such as buying a home, starting your own business, traveling, etc. that you should know that if it is something that you’re passionate about you should pursue it on your own and you never know, during that process of self progression you may find your mate. Think about it, if you have a home and your mate has a home then when you all get together you could use both of those homes as rental property while purchasing a home together. This allows you to come into a relationship with equity that can benefit your union. Also if you want your doctorate degree or want a leadership position at work, go for it….don’t let people make you think that by having that status in your career that it will make it impossible for you to date. Don’t think that you have to downplay your MAGIC in order to keep a man. Any man who really wants a wife will want one who has something to offer and who he can build an empire with as PARTNERS.
I hope this helps someone who has been dimming their light in order to keep or get a man. Remember you are strong, beautiful and you should always Be Fearlessly Authentic!
~Be Fearlessly Authentic~